One of those people

I can’t stop thinking
That I’m going to be one of those people
Who dies young.

The lump on my side,
My bloodshot eyes,
The way I’m early to rise
but can’t sleep at night.

More often than not people
Perish before their time. They
Cherish the moments they have –
Sort of –
But in the end
Why?

I can’t stop thinking…
Maybe that’s my problem!
“Stop thinking, start living”
Is the mantra spouted by those around me.
But if I stop thinking then who am I?

I can’t stop thinking that
I won’t be remembered. Some people
Who die young are, but
Their thoughts aren’t tempered
by their temper
And their ideas are presented!
I just resent it.

I can’t stop thinking that
While I sit here alone with my wine and
Netflix, I could be creating
While the clock ticks
And ticks and ticks away
The seconds of my life:
Is my fate fixed?

Can I ever be fixed?

Two years ago my doctor
Sat me down for a test.
Well I sat
Me down for a test with my doctor:

“About how often do you feel
Tired for no good reason?”
A good reason?

“Hopeless?”
Always.

“Worthless?”
A big question with short answers.
But that’s my problem –
I think “too much”.

The shrink told me
Be “more assertive”.
Got me to ask stupid
Questions on purpose
To show what my mind could
Exert if it had to.

And now I sit
Waiting for it
Or something
And

I can’t stop thinking…
That I’m going to be one of those people
Who dies young.